How to live with Crohn and not get crazy from it

Thrusday

Woken up around one by incredible crams that I thought were started by eating a strawbery. Doctor think otherwise. In the morning trying to get myself to work, not to vomit at everyone on the bus, the crams are unabarable.After two hours they sending me back home which I take as huge failure with my will but Im also very busy to concetrate not to vomit on the bus again. Im shaking, people stare at mewierdly, my guess is they think Im on drugs or drunk.In the morning??!!Whatever.Moment I get off bus I can´t keep it in anymore and I loose it.Home falling on bed and wishing to die.Three oćlock in the afternoon situation still the same, but I have to find a strenght there somwhere to get up and pick up litle one from school.Usually ten minutes trip takes me about fourty five minutes.I see blury,kind a distant and vomiting on every coner. Vomitting on public during day light is incrediby humiliating. I never had to thought about that and I never thought it would even happen to me.Damn. Feeling of hopelesnes is numerological.Back home trying to fall a sleep and wake up in different live. Also desperately crying all night.

number of vomitting 6
time of crams neverending
will to live minimal

Friday

Crams slowly dissapearing which is great news but Im so tired that I can´t even get up.Pale pain shooting into my spine, my intestants are numb I walk like Im prisioner in some very old body.Actually it can be funny If only I had the strenght to laugh.Maruška is gong alone to school because I can´t make it further then to the bathroom. Im very worried but also very proud.Big girl.Trying to call a doctor but no succses.Im just lying and trying to move much so nothing hurts.No risks here.Vomitting switched into uncotrolable diarhea.Great,just what I was looking for.In the afternoon Maruska leaves with her grandpa for a weekend away and Im falling a sleep with lovely feeling that I can sleep forever.

number of vomitting 0
time of crams dissapearing
diarhea 4

Saturday

Waking up in the morning feeling absolutely fantastic. Little slow, but nothing hurts. Now and then that pain in the spine but I can live with that, yeay.
I feel strong. Planning to attend Charity event against breast cancer in the afternoon with Petra. Slow walk on a sunny afternoon is what Im hoping for.Getting on Prague castle two hours ahead, just to find out they are out of t-shirts, that you need to buy to attend the event.Disapontment.Ok, going our own way then We walk downt to Charles bridge, it take us quite long time cause we walk very slowly. A) is hot B) 2 day without any food make you kind a slow mode. We take is as realxation.Half an hour later we search for place to sit and get few drinks.We would like to eat also but it is incredibly expensive and I can´t eat anything out of it anyways. Not that menu would not be interesting, its not even large but those few choices alway have or herbs, or oils, sauces,vegetable. Nada for moa then.Waiter all of suden show much more interest then is usuall for serving a cold drinks. First i don´t get it, which is not something that unusuall in my case, then I find it funny, cute and in the end Im flattered. After fifth try for conversation in ten minutes he invites me for icecream and ask for a phonenumber. Did I say what a lovely day it was?
For dinner we choose pizzeria.Wanted to see a movie too,but none from what they offered iwas worthed the price. So no movie. I get some ham,water meloun and bread.Hour later Im home and digesting the pizzeria. Crams are getting stronger. Hard to say whetever it is the ham or meloun, in my opinion my intestants simply don´t care what kind of food I send them down there, they just don´t want to work at all.Getting into hot bath to calm the pain. And I cry.At night I wish to die again. Coudle up in bath robe, heating on maximum, shaking with pain and fever.
Around midnight I get a text. From a waiter.Little light in the end of a dark tunnel. The pain is stronger now. Taking some kortikoids to get rid of pain. And I pray, you never know what might help. Promising anything and everything and then I fall asllep out of tiredness.

vomittin 0
crams incredible
diarhea 2
crying nonstop
new praying
date invitation 1

Sunday

Im up already at 5.Mosquito that was trying to get trhought my swet soaked bath robe woke me up.Sun is shining at my pillow. I feel relaxed.Getting up,hurt but without crams. It´s Sunday, 5:30 and Im on balcony gardenning. I find it calming.Guess Im getting old too. Half an hour later I feel tired again and lying down.Kortiokoids are bitches, they got me rid of crams but they serve me incredibly painful nonstop diarheas. What is worst?I hate this. And I cry from pain. Eating three biscuits and in five minutes for half an hour in bathroom. Not fair.Going to doctor tommorow,well see. Fever is back,skin like paper and I look like a zombie.Text message from waiter,looking foward to see me.Hmm sweet..How can I go for a date when I can´t even get out of bed? I won´t think about it now.Hopefully he will wait a week. I will enjoy his interest over the phone at least for a while, till the time comes when he dissapears from one or another reasons. Better not to think about it.

crams slight
pain constant
crying 0
depression from cronical dissease growing