Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

~Woody Allen~

I was planning for so long to go and see Sex and the city but instead of going to cinema and see it which would be much smarter to do……I was living my own Sex and the City!


And it was great ya know.....it included Mr.Big for sure, my new cute sexi outfit, high heel shoes, a lot of sex, wine from paper cup (ok ehm ehm) , gay parade (BIG TIME) and a lot a lot of drama!

OK maybe it was not all that fabolouse....cause I choose the worst possible background for it.

Month after successful break-up.....first two weeks of strong and confident myself that on my own I do much much better....came the typical break down phase of wasted night....so drunk that any sailor would be proud of me (and did things no one would be proud of), flirting with few guys (which made me feel much better at first and really bad after), changing my hair colour (which led to make me look like a chipmunk <- this is actually a fun part) and driving all my friends nearly to craziness (but they are all so supportive and I love them for that) I have found myself sitting yet again at his apartment. (which led to lifted eyebrows of some and kick in my azz from others) Like if I didnt talk about it in "Ill never give you up itch" blog post before,right?

To my defense I have to say I went there purely to pick up my stuff, which of course does not explain why I stayed for next four days. And sounds pretty much just as an excuse to get laid. And turn out it was. His or mine that does not matter. I have been honestly nagging myself deep down inside the whole time that I am so gonna be sorry for doing this to myself....and of course I was. But I could not force myself to leave. You know when guys do those puppy eyes and kiss you and your knees go weak and you think....ok maybe it wont be that bad? But then he switch and you know you got tricked once again?!
Am I self destructive person who search for the source of pain, that gonna be served to me drop by drop till I fall apart completely?

We always give such a good advises to our friends but when it come down to us....we do exactly what we should not! And what is worst? We know it is wrong and we still do it!

After four days I got finally yank out of my own illusions!! Well of course I didn't find out what I want....but I finally know what I don' t want!
And I really suck at arguing and making my point clear and loud....I have to work on that one more. haha

My point is....sometimes we just have to live through tought times by ourselves and our friends and find out our own answers and explanations instead of putting ourselves to vurnelable position we know we gonna be regretting later.

And sometimes it is better not to know anything!!!!

Turns out your ex will always stay in the EX BOX.....he cannot become fu*k buddy as he would like......cause emotions are involved......nor friend cause if you call him he thinks you want to get back at him.....nor party buddy cause he get jelouse when you flirt with others. Your ex will always be just ex......you can work out some sort of communication between, but you cannot label it.

There'll always be jelousy, or emotions, or chemistry, or bitter taste of hate to some extend.

But things are never black and white....sometimes they are grey.....and other times they shine like rainbow.

Next time I want Sex and the City......I am putting in the DVD, that's for sure!;)